On my last day in Greensboro I was feeling especially focused and grateful. After being in Brooklyn nearly a month, I have worked on keeping those two ideas in the front of my brain. I especially want to express my gratitude to clients! I started thinking about the client/stylist relationship a long time ago, and it is especially pertinent at this time when I left a group of clients, and start thinking about establishing new clients.

There is something very cool that can happen in a stylist/client relationship. A lot of different things can be created in that space- fashion advice, relationship advice, personal identity development, idea exchanges, political musings, and community building.  Cutting hair is a true collaboration! Your client brings themselves, their hair, and their ideas about what they should look like. It is then the stylist job to interpret that person and their ideas, or provide them with the best vision.

There are factors especially unique to the haircut experience:

Being present: While I am with a client I am focused on them. I am specifically focused on the task of cutting/coloring/styling their hair. Rarely am I on so much auto pilot that I am thinking about my grocery list. Because of that concentration, I am also present with the client. They can sense that, and it builds trust.

Touch: This may sound new-agey, human touch is a big part of it. Very few jobs involve you getting physically close to someone (other professions that come to mind are massage therapist, doctor…). When you touch someone and don’t hurt him or her, this builds trust.

One of my best (all the best!) clients, Patty, had a dream when she found out I was moving. Here, she talks about it.

The night I found out Cara Craig was moving to NYC I had a dream…well, more like a nightmare.  I dreamed I was walking up the steps of the 1940s, three-bedroom bungalow that is Figaro Salon.  I rang the doorbell but don’t remember who answered.  Rather than being welcomed in by Cara’s lovely inked arms I was swiftly ushered into a chair to prep for my haircut.  As I was dreaming, I knew Cara wasn’t going to be there but I hadn’t prepared myself for what to expect.  Walking in, a receptionist put on headphones and positioned herself behind me.  “This is all wrong,” I said to myself.  “What in the hell is the receptionist doing behind me?!”  I expected she was going to offer me tea, perhaps water, or to let me know that she was going to wash my hair today.  But instead she proceeded to pull out a pair of scissors from Cara’s red and black standing toolbox and immediately began to cut my hair.  Without a single word uttered or a connection established.   Just snip, snip, snip.

As I saw my hair falling to the floor around me, I glanced up to the mirror for reassurance and realized I was looking out of a window into a barren parking lot. Cara was gone and I longed for her.  After the appointment was over I solemnly walked out the front door, down the steps and proceeded home.  I cried the whole way without ever once looking at my hair.

Patty also points out something unique to getting a haircut: the mirror. American photographer and film director, Cindy Sherman said, “I’m really just using the mirror to summon something I don’t even know until I see it.” The mirror helps to build rapport with ones stylist in order to encourage change and develop a positive self-image.

I love talking to people through the mirror and for some clients. I believe it makes it easier for them to communicate, almost like there is less pressure because you are not looking directly at someone.

This is a video of Miranda July getting her hair cut. It is a solid 45 minutes long, but I loved every second of it.  I loved witnessing the client/stylist collaboration (I also like knowing how to cut Miranda July’s hair). What I noticed was how universal the client stylist relationship demonstrated in the video is. The haircut started off with some seemingly petty small talk, which is more important that you think. Small talk is a nice reminder of our universal experience. We all walked outside today and felt the temperature. It is a small reminder that we aren’t doing it alone. As the haircut progresses the client and stylist become more comfortable with one another.  It didn’t take long before they were both making dirty jokes!

This client/stylist interaction isn’t unlike many haircuts that I’ve given and had. Yes, haircuts are really special and tailored to the specific client.  Yes, there are elements unique to the haircutting experience. But they also aren’t all that special and some of the same stuff happens every time.  I find comfort in those universal relations while cherishing the extraordinary moments that do happen between a stylist and client.